I am H-ANGRY

So the first week of the Vegan Challenge has ended. In that week there were lots of new experiences and personal insight that made me feel like I expanded within myself. I have lots to talk about as usual, so I think I am just going to break it into digestible chunks.

The blogs I will publish this week are based on The Vegan Challenge - Week 1 and  Dealing with Hunger.

And today's sub topic is ‘I am H-ANGRY’

The first week of my Vegan Challenge can be described in the amalgamated expression of ‘H-Angry’. It was a constant and epic battle that played out between my old self and the self I wanted to be. And managing the cause and effect emotions from  ‘H-Angry’ is one of the things that needed to be addressed.

Hungry is the first part of ‘H-Angry’. During the week, I constantly thought of food and was

persistently hungry. My work revolves around a desktop so the lack of physical stimulus brought on by physical labour and exercise made me more sensitive to the groans and aches of my stomach. The hunger would be amplified by seeing my friends eat their usual snacks and food around me.

Fighting the hunger was sometimes a losing battle. I found myself getting up a few times to graze for food. My brain was interpreting the sudden animal fat deprivation it was encountering with a call to arms and this alarm manifested itself sometimes into bouts of panic eating.

The Angry part of ‘H-Angry’ was the frustration simmering to a boil. My brain had expectations of what it will have to make it satisfied and I was disappointing it every opportunity I can – CONSCIOUSLY! When hunger struck, the Vegan in me was only able to respond with greens, soups, and what I used to dub as ‘blah food’.  During the time, I was going through some real withdrawal symptoms. I felt agitated, fidgety, lacked focus, I was temperamental, I had insomnia, and I was getting headaches. The hunger would be so intense that I would suddenly bang at my desk for no reason at all other than frustration boiling up. But I never took it out on my colleagues I hope, but my friends were definitely getting some of it!

 In terms of advice dealing with these issues, the best advice I can give is FOCUS on the task, find distractions that benefit your well-being, and EAT.

What is getting me through the days is the satisfaction I get from being brave enough to make this attempt at Veganism. No matter what people say about this being a stupid challenge, or that I can just as easily cheat, or that it is just to get attention, in the end I don’t care. I am chasing my Better Me. Food is a very important part of my life and my experiences recently has made me realise some important things about myself. 

And here I am - focused on making it to the last day of the month and making sure I learn everything I can in this amazing journey. 

NOTE:

I will talk about the other ways that I deal with hunger in the next blog. Recent feedback indicated my blogs were too long. But if you want more content, check out my videos section because I just placed a video there on lunching with the guys at the end of week 1 and us talking about another random topic 'What is death by natural causes?'.

The Vegan Challenge - Day 1

The Vegan Challenge - Day 1

It was my first day of the Vegan Challenge and today was a really hard day for me. All day I was irritable, frustrated, unable to focus, stressed, and HUNGRY. I have been on diets before but today seemed above average in terms of the ‘suffering’. I am not sure if it was just in my head or was it really withdrawal symptoms but the Vegan challenge definitely took a lot out of me.

I started the day bad already I was unable to sleep last night and probably picked up about an hour and a half of winks. I was really excited last night and was writing in my new blog. By the time, I hit the sack, I could see daylight coming out of my second floor (first floor in the UK) window.

Somehow I managed to find the energy and will power to get up, get dressed, and head out for work. My feet felt like I was dragging them all the way to the bus stop. And when I did get to work, I couldn't have my usual breakfast of egg and toast. 

When I mentioned that I was embarking on a Vegan Challenge, the guys at work were a bit in disbelief and to be honest cynical. They were wondering why I would do it and that they were certain I was ‘going to have a hard time’. Specifically the Vegan’s very strict diet that would immediately put a halt on consuming eggs, bread, sweets and chocolate, and lots of other good stuff that I just took for granted.

http://youtu.be/NCFuvUdyDp8

-- More vids there

Taking part in this challenge, I learned quickly that awareness of those restrictions seems to be a big part of the lifestyle. During my morning break, I went to buy a falafel wrap but when I got back to my desk I was worried about whether the pita bread and falafel would break my Challenge. I started reading the label and its ingredients for any indication of animal products. I even  asked my boss to find out what was in falafel. But I was relieved to find out it can be eaten. This obsession with the ingredients is new to me and I am a bit uneasy and feel obliged to develop paranoia about what I am putting in my mouth all the time. Now I know a bit about how the Jewish and the Muslim feel when it comes to observing their diet.

Lunch was particularly harsh for me. Entering the canteen with the Vegan hat and being met with the delicious emulsion of the fried, baked, and sautéed cuisine was pure torture. I made it worse by making the rounds and looking at what was cooked and what was being prepared fresh. That didn’t help. Acknowledging my limits, I headed straight for the salad bar. All I can say, was that 'delicious' is not one of the words I would describe it. I looked around and saw that they were serving Thai coconut soup. I went straight for it and joined the queue. Immediately, I could see a bit of a problem because the girl in front of me seem to be scraping the bottom of that soup pot as I can hear the noise of clanging metal. I was definitely looking at her with a concerned gaze and I had Ludacris in my head singing ‘move bitch, get out the way’. When she got out, I assessed the damage. Yes there was enough there - maybe. I can see the metal bottom with the kernels of corn emerging as little islands due to the lack of liquid. But there was enough – we can do a lift! So I made sure to pick up the 5 litter soup container and dipped the ladle to hoard as much of the beautiful and rare liquid as possible. The girl behind me was giving me look also but I was detached from her misery and was reveling in my own good luck!

When I got to our regular seating area, I was again asked about my new challenge. After all, knowing me, it was quite rare for them to see me without a plate that was pregnant with food.  I once again explained myself and the guys were teasing me as usual. I was deep into my soup when our new friend 'Cathy' mentioned that I was eating croutons. Once she said it, my appetite was lost. I threw the croutons down in despair and cursed myself for not realizing the error. Hence, first day first fail.

I left the canteen disappointed and hungry. I just became more irritable as the day went by and I was having a hard time focusing also. I tried to keep awake by drinking Coke. The biggest frustration of the day was when I went to buy Doritos. I could not buy the usual chocolates that would get me through the afternoon (e.g. Kit Kat or M&M’s) so I thought I could settle on corn chips. When I got upstairs I read the ingredients, and it said ‘Contains Milk’. I wanted to yell and put my head on my hand out of frustration. 

I looked over to my friend, Angel, and said, 'Sheitze. It has milk'
His response, a wave of his hand to throw it over to him. Seeing my suffering, he wanted to kick me while I was down. 

The guys were definitely on their game that day. Apparently, they have a bet out on me already about when I was going to fold. Pits, also know as 'Gordo', said I won't last until Friday and Angel is banking on the weekend to grind out my patience. I told them they both won cause I ate croutons accidentally already. Angel then offered some advice that maybe I should take baby steps first…."Try Vegetarian first..." then indicating that I can afterwards move to the more extreme step of Vegan". I considered it but I rationalised that if I am going to suffer anyway, I might as well go all the way.

When I got home, I had some Macadamia nuts and dried cranberries for dinner. But my head still hurts from hunger and my stomach was telling me to eat the leftover pizza that someone left in the kitchen. 'No one will know'. I denied myself that temptation. But I did hover over the pizza and sniffed the shit out of it. 

I think this Vegan thing is going to be harder than what I originally thought.

The Vegan Challenge: T Minus 1 Day

The Vegan Challenge 

T-Minus Day 1 - August 31, 2014

So, welcome to my blog.

Top of my list to discuss is my current personal development project - test driving the Vegan train.

A panelist from the audience in my mind asked, 'What’s inspired you to try this Vegan Challenge?'

To which I answer....

Well I recently got into watching documentaries, and for some reason, most of the documentaries that I have been watching revolved around 'food'. There was this one particular film that really intrigued me, though, called ‘Vegucated’. It was a film about three regular people from New York, all coming from different demographic backgrounds coming together to adopt the Vegan lifestyle for what I believe is 6 weeks. During that time, they went through an introduction on where their food comes from, what is a Vegan, what can they eat, and why is Vegan an option that we should seriously consider. The funny thing is I haven’t even finished it, but it was enough to make an impact. As part of the challenge, my objective is to try the Vegan diet for the whole month of September. 

There are lots of reasons to be a Vegan and the issues revolve typically around animal ethics, environmental responsibility, health, corporate exploitation, economics, culture, media...you name it. But, when I was watching this film, the part that really hit home for me was the argument around health. I like to pretend that I am not fat that I am just overweight. But in reality I am probably obese if that is defined by my BMI, given my height and body composition. I may be wrong about this so don’t quote me. 


Why it meant something to me is because I come from a family where high blood pressure is common, diabetes has presented itself in my lineage from my grandmother to my father, and there has been deaths due to stroke or heart failure – like my grandfather and grandmother on my dad’s side and my dearest grandfather on my mom’s side. So it touched a nerve as I myself have a bit of hypertension and may be suffering from sleep apnoea – which means I may die from my sleep. 
You actually know some of these guys….they go into deep sleep, snore loud, take deep breaths and don’t breathe for what seems like an eternity; as if they went to dive in the lake or ocean and the breath they take when they do finally take one is like when a person finally resurfaces and take a deep breath. Well, I have been told that I may be one of those. But when I lost weight before, I didn’t have those ‘deep dives’ so frequently. In any case, it was actually the medical studies that the film elaborated on that made me think that this Vegan thing is probably a good move for me. 

The one that rang loud and clear was the correlation between consumption of animal products and an early death via cancer or the number one killer in the United States, Heart Disease.

The truth is I eat lots of meat and the numbers pretty much say, pick up that burger and it’s like an hour of your life in the future that you have given up. Maybe that’s not enough, maybe a day of your life. Well maybe that is too much, let drop down and say it is a minute of your life you are losing. And it hit me a bit – We only have a short time in this, like High School, classroom called Life. A fucking minute that is taken from me means I have less time with the people that meant so much to me. Or if that is not enough to those who are addressing issues with narcissism, one less minute to explore the heights of your own self-worth. Like High School for me was a great time, University was shit, Post-grad even

worse and disappointing, work life up and down but mostly up. But, I would have loved to spend one minute more at least in each one of those life cycle institutions even to just to finally have the nuts to talk to that girl across from my locker, have a BBQ or stroll around town with my friends from the Millennium, 

retake that freaking thesis which is incomplete, meet up with friends after the finals, grab a drink after a double shift from the bank, give a high-five to those people from the South West England who don’t know how to give a high-five in order to fuck around with them (as they have that stupid rule of looking at the elbow when you give a high-five), and have some banter with those good people who know you and when you need banter. In effect, more time with those people that made a difference in your life as they continue to pass through your life. 

‘I want more time’ is really what I am saying. And this film was pretty much indicating you can buy time – you can extend your life, and the premium is just a change in your diet. You can still have your friends, you can still have your family, we will not take away your house, and we will allow you to keep all the merits and experiences you have including the hopes for your future. The film or the studies didn’t even indicate the need for exercise (some wishful thinking on my part). The payment is simply stop eating meat and other animal by-products because most are high in fats that kill.

In addition the the film, I was also inspired by some of the people I met in the weekend to start this Vegan project. I mean, I have never been in a room of super-humans before, but this room was bustling with confidence and self-determination. I was invited to this housewarming in Canary Wharf, and there I was, like an extra in the Avengers film. And when I say extra, I mean those getting rescued. Anyway, I came across a dude that hitchhiked for a few weeks across New Zealand, a girl who went from size 16 to running ultra-marathons regularly in two years, and a woman who was an ultra-listener. I mean this woman scared me when I was talking to her cause she was in-tune to every word I was saying and I can see her reading my body language. All of them seem to be doing leadership courses too - super-humans building their own society. But the conversations were really inspiring and I left with a bit of confidence to my benefit. 

‘Well, darnit to bits’, I thought. ‘I can do something like that.’

So that's where the idea for the Vegan attempt first came to me. But it was only when I went for a run this morning that it was truly becoming something that I wanted to consider. Today’s run was a killer. I was suffering due to weeks of not running. That first full run back is always where you are battling the WLE demons – your weakness, laziness, and excuses. In the bus back, instead of getting off my stop, I decided to wait two more stops and head to Morrisons as I need my weekly shop. I decided while picking up some discount fruits that it is quite an opportune moment to start my Vegan Challenge. 

'This is perfect', I thought. 'The stars are aligned'. 

It is September, I am looking to lose weight, train hard for the triathlon that I am looking to join in the end of the month, and I just had such a hard time running so that should help that out, and I just watched this film that correlated health and consumption of red meat. Then it just made sense to strike while the iron is hot and start the Vegan experience. Inspired, I went around Morrisons in West Hounslow and bought every vegetable that smiled at me with delicious possibilities. The stroll through the meat section was particularly hard though as I have not eaten all day and I just came from my run, around 3PM. So the meat in that section never looked redder. I wanted some steak or pork or sausage, or something fat and ‘drip from your lips’ tasty! Those freaking yellow discount marks didn’t help either - some of you know that I am a sucker for bright colours marketing. But I maintained focus and stuck to getting Vegan items. It was amazing for me to see my basket totally full and there was no meat in sight - just greens and shit. 

‘Damn! Seriously – what has this mofo been smoking’, the little devil on my shoulder would have said. But there it was - greens and fruits.

As it was still Sunday and August 31, I knew I could do a last meal for myself before I embark on this month-long challenge. What would you eat if it was your last day on Meat Earth? I thought about that question thoroughly and I got excited for the second time. I can blow all my frustrations in one go. So I headed back to the meat section, grabbed that steak that no one grabbed that had the bright yellow discount mark on it, grabbed some squid from Hounslow Central, and bought some mussels also. I was adamant to go for a 'surf and turf' meal as my last supper. 

‘Hell to the yeah!’, I said to myself, exhilarated by the plates of food dangling inside my head. It was a possibility that I may not have any of this stuff again if I decide to jump the meat ship and start paddling on my bean pod and row with my carrot and celery sticks.

In order partake on my pre-Vegan Challenge 'final supper', though, I needed to prioritize my schedule. By that, I mean I needed to flake out on something. It was in my plan go to my friend’s BBQ as he mentioned it in passing at work. But because of this and other things that are in my agenda for the day that would need to be scaled back, I decided to drop the BBQ plan. This and some of the stuff on my daily 'To Do List' was just more urgent and it just meant if I went to his BBQ that I would also have to delay my Vegan Challenge to next week; by then, I don’t know whether I would have been as inspired. In any case, the mussels needed to be cooked immediately as they are not good lying around fresh. So I made an executive decision.

After coming home, I went straight to work on my perfect last meal. I made the mussels first, then the steak, and then the squid. The whole thing took hours. The steak was not that hard to make but it just required some TLC. Those who know me well know that I love to cook,  BUT I take an eternity to finish. TLC baby!

So what was in the Last Supper menu….ahem….drum roll please….

1. Chorizo, Mussels, and Shrimp with basil and cherry tomatoes.

2. Grilled Squid

3. Steak with a creamy red wine, mushroom, onion, Juniper berries, and parsley reduction on a bed of grilled leeks, steamed kale, and homemade yam chips (crisps in the UK).  

I was really proud of that menu and the valiant attempt at just a bit of creativeness. The only thing un-original there was the grilled squid. Everything else had no recipe and was just 'off the cuff chemical romance type of inspiration'. The leeks thing was quite interesting because I had never really thought of using the stems as a really nice addition to the presentation. I was just going to cut them into pieces. But then I thought it was an interesting shape and look. It looked like the leftover tree trunk from a cut tree. So when I grilled it, the top started to burn and that made it look even more interesting. This is where my appreciation into shapes and architecture had some real use. I managed to document some of the prep and I managed to do a couple of videos thanks to my flatmates.

The guys in the house were really happy for me but it turns out that I was not the only one celebrating. While I was cooking, I discovered it was my Indian flatmate Poodja’s birthday. So the kitchen was buzzing and it ended up being a double celebration as they bought cake and had balloons set. Interestingly enough, the balloons indicated it was Pooja’s 8^th birthday. I would like to believe that her husband did not make a mistake but then again he did go to buy a cake with her, choose the cake for her, but then pulled the ‘I left my wallet at home’ routine on the birthday girl. My hero…I thought I had nerve, but that dude didn’t even blink when his wife put her shin through his groin – he must have three nut sacks!

The party went well. We were dancing around, taking pictures, having some food, some wine, music, and the house was in good spirits. Good spirits for a bit that is and then back to the problems with our landlord which we ended up discussing for hours. I also broke some glass, stepped on the shard, and my food was getting cold cause of all of our clowning around. But it was cool…it was a good time. I ate as much as I could, even found some pizza to eat for my final day. But before I knew it…it was 12 o’clock. And my Vegan Experience began….

What's now in my fridge! VEGAN here we go....